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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 23-11-2020, 16:53 Thread Starter
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Your day can always take a bad turn

Copied from elsewhere


Hows everyone's day going so far?
so.....
The neighbors have been complaining that my dog has been barking non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased the humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently they don't like it. This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella liquid. And that is where my morning should have ended. But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to “how” the collars actually work. So I'm standing by my back door "barking" at my dog's collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens. Now I'm not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did... I put the collar on. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face. I began coughing, which only caused the f*cking collar to continue squirting bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the damn dog is barking. So between coughing and yelling at him to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco. I finally get the collar off and threw, yes I threw that inhumane sucker across the yard, and lay in the grass sucking in the cool morning air. In the middle of thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so damn hard he couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set it off again and then I would started laughing and couldn't make it." So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went in to shower so I wouldn't smell like ode de' Tiki Torch.
Lesson learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that:
1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off.
2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation.
On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days!
Even though this does sound like some bullshit I'd do, I hate to break the news that it's a copied story that gave me a good laugh so feel free to do the same. 😂😂😂😂😂 Happy Thanksgiving!! !!
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BREXIT built on deceit delivered by liars

The people who passed off a pair of gloves as *two* items of PPE may not be entirely honest.

'Get Brexit Done' anagram - BEING EXTORTED

I'm a Euro Unionist, Testiculi ad Brexitam

Brexit: the incapable in pursuit of the unobtainable to satisfy the delusional. (Edwin Hayward)

In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king.
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 23-11-2020, 17:36
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That did my heart good, but they say laugh and grow fat, so that's why I´m putting on weight.
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 23-11-2020, 18:36
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Somewhere there’s a review on Amazon from a guy who tried using Veet or similar on his “bikini line” If it doesn’t make you cry with laughter your not human, unbelievably funny the chaps a genius writer.!

I’ll see if I can find it

Here you go, enjoy !

https://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R3GDDEL1SC1QQ5
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Its not the destination that matters.

It's who you share the journey with (even if like me, it’s in a caravan!)
I am very fortunate to have Mrs Plodd to share mine with
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 23-11-2020, 19:21
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Oh my goodness, that 2 lb I have gained today.

The chunky channel --
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 23-11-2020, 19:47
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Just seen this article in France...................

And speaking of lockdown - we don’t think this guy from Brittany had quite thought things through when he stormed out of his house to ‘smash a guy’s face in’ - pausing only to fill out his lockdown permission form giving details of the crime he intended to commit.

In case anyone was in any doubt, the local police chief says: “We made it clear that going out ‘to beat someone up’ is not a valid reason to break lockdown”.

Ray.
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The FSA licensed a twice convicted fraudster to handle our life´s savings. Guess what? He robbed us of £750,000. http://raynipper.com
Brexit is madness orchestrated by the insane.
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 23-11-2020, 20:48
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Gosh, I’m definitely loosing my sense of humour

Sorry

Sandra
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 23-11-2020, 20:53
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aldra View Post
Gosh, I’m definitely loosing my sense of humour

Sorry

Sandra
Maybe it´s the imagination you´ve lost Sandra, you have to imagine the actions of Terry and Andy´s players.
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 23-11-2020, 20:57
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Possibly Jan

I’ll just watch the expression on that cats face as he plays the I phone ringtone

Now that makes me smile even thinking about it

Sandra
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 23-11-2020, 21:02
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Yes me to, thats why I couldn´t understand why nobody had reacted to it.
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 23-11-2020, 21:23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JanHank View Post
Oh my goodness, that 2 lb I have gained today.

The chunky channel --
Chutney channel !
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Its not the destination that matters.

It's who you share the journey with (even if like me, it’s in a caravan!)
I am very fortunate to have Mrs Plodd to share mine with
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